Our last day. Last night Niki alluded to planning another holiday together next year in Cancun and I knew she’d be bringing it up again at breakfast. I determined to get in there first. I have to do it, and before we are on a plane back to our lives.“I want to say thank you for a wonderful holiday. It was exactly what I needed, to get out of myself and my routine and see things with a bit more perspective.”
They beamed. Excellent.
“In fact I see so much better what’s held me back. I’ve been afraid of things. Afraid that if I made plans or started anything long-term that it meant I’d have to stick around to finish it. I didn’t want to consider the possibility of living more than a year or so. I wanted to die so much and couldn’t bear the thought that I wasn’t going to, maybe for a long time.”
Sophie reached over and took my hands. Niki welled up. Oh dear, my intention wasn’t for them to feel badly. I rushed on.
“But now I realize that was wrong. I still miss Andrew. I always will. There will never be anyone like him. But that doesn’t mean I can’t make my life a good one. And meet new people and go to new places and make plans. What we did on Sunday in Lautoka, going to the church and on to that family’s house afterwards was exactly the kind of thing I want to do. Not just lying on a beach. I want to go to far off places and stay with local people, learn about their lives, their histories. I’ve been in one place for far too long. I wouldn’t have felt like that if we hadn’t done this trip together. You have no idea how grateful I am to actually look forward to something. To consider a future. And to want it.”
There was a pause. “Well, I guess that’s something”, said Niki slowly.
“Hey, I haven’t made one of my lists for two whole days!” Sophie smiled and Niki laughed. “Now look, we leave tomorrow. We are going to lie on the beach and get brown enough to make people back home jealous. We’ll swim and snorkel the reef and hit the bar and dance until we drop. You guys are going to get laid tonight and I am going to talk to new faces. It’s going to be the best last day of anyone’s ‘fun in the sun’ holiday.”
We clinked glasses, made a toast to the power of threesomes and giggled like schoolgirls.
