Chapter 3 - London - Hampton Court and nudity

I got up earlier than anyone else and decided to take the time to have a bath in the huge bathtub down the hall. It’s so big I can stretch out completely under the water and imagine I am an impossibly beautiful water maiden who wears green satiny reeds and drinks the dew from water lilies. I could submerge and open my eyes to see a watery human world above me, then let out a slow stream of bubbles from my mouth to see if I could change the view without obscuring it completely. My hair takes a long time to dry, but it was completely dry by the time everyone else was up and ready. No one seems to realize that we are in England and time is ticking! There’s so much to see and we only have a few days left.

After our second practice at Westminster Abbey we went to see Windsor Castle. It was a beautiful day and the Castle looked so dreamy. I could just imagine walking that long lane that leads up to it in a beautiful dress of dark green velvet next to someone really, really handsome in a long coat with tails and high boots and a fast horse and an English accent. I never get to imagine anything for long though, as we are hustled to and from each place and given a tour that lasts only about half an hour. I have millions of questions but never get to ask them. Well, I guess part of that is my own fault. I'm too shy to ask even one question so no one would know I have millions of them still unasked and trapped inside me.

After Windsor Castle we went to Hampton Court. It was weird to see modern cars in a parking lot next to such an old building. Like seeing an old lady wearing a mini skirt. That reminded me of Mom. I wondered how everyone back home was doing and if they missed me. Or even noticed I wasn’t there. I’ve never been away from home this long on my own before. I think about home, but I don’t really miss it. This place is too interesting.
In the evening we got to see a musical called “Hair”. It was really good, but a bit daring. I got kind of embarrassed seeing people acting with no clothes on in front of an audience all staring at them, but that's what made it kind of exciting. How wonderful to be an actor who was so confident that they could act naked right there on a stage. 'Fakira the brave' could do it, but I don't know if I ever could. I wonder what Mom would think if I told her about this play. Maybe I won’t tell her about the naked part. Mr. Holmsmith must be cooler than I thought to bring us here. The dancing was the best. I think I’m going to switch from ballet to modern jazz classes when I get home, then maybe singing.

I think I’ll have to live a long, long time in order to get all the things done and all the places seen that I plan to do and see. I want to have a life that’s both adventurous and long. Or, like a cat, have seven of them. I think I’ve already had two. The first one was last year in my ballet recital when I got so nervous about where I had to be that I fell into the orchestra pit, landed on the euphonium and the man who played it and fractured my collarbone. The doctor said I was lucky I landed on the euphonium player or I could have broken my neck. I sometimes wonder if the euphonium player felt so lucky. The second time, only really it was the first time because I was only eight, was on my way to school. I usually walk with my eyes down looking at the sidewalk because it’s easier to work things out in my head that way, but I got distracted that time. The crows were making an awful ruckus and I looked up to find out why and suddenly there were these two perfect bald eagles sitting in a giant cottonwood tree as calm as anything, looking out to the horizon. They were totally ignoring the crows who acted like schoolyard bullies as they flew back and forth, cawing and barking, but also keeping their distance like I’ve noticed bullies mostly do. I didn’t realize it but I was still walking and I walked smack dab into a parking sign and gave myself a concussion, two black eyes and a broken nose. That spring I also got the measles, mumps and chicken pox all at the same time so that’s gotta count for half a life at least, maybe. If I can survive all that surely there’s a reason for me to live. There must be something wonderful for me to accomplish. Or find.

It’s a big responsibility though, life. Everyone seems to know what they want to do when they finish high school, but I can never make up my mind. I think I’m interested in one thing and then I read about something else and that sounds good, and then I’ll meet someone who does something wonderful and I want to do that too. Lately I’ve been thinking seriously about being a nun. Mom would just die if she knew. She hates anything religious, and says all priests and reverends are shams who prey on people’s weaknesses and don’t contribute anything to society. I guess she didn’t like going to a Catholic school when she was a girl. But I think being a nun would be so romantic. I would stay in a nunnery and pray all day, make soap out of lavender and read books. No one would bother me. Perhaps I could care for the sick.

But if I was a nun I wouldn’t know what sex was like. Perhaps I could fall in love and have sex and then I could become a nun. That way I’d know what it was like and still be romantic. Maybe even more so because I’d know what I was giving up. Now that really would be romantic. Of course the biggest problem is that I don’t know if I believe in God. I imagine that it’s necessary for people who become nuns, but maybe that would come in time. My counsellor says I should pick one thing and stick to it, and Dad says I won’t look very stable if I keep changing jobs, but why do I have to only do one thing for my entire life anyway? Why can’t I do more things? Leonardo da Vinci did. And so did Captain Cook. Even Adolf Hitler did, even though none of them were good.