We have seen a lot of Jens and Ana while in Copenhagen. They've taken us to bars and jazz clubs where we finally hear something other than Abba songs. We saw the palace and the little mermaid statue from Han Christian Anderson’s fairy tales, which was a lot smaller than I’d imagined. The best was Tivoli, where we drank cocktails and saw a show on the stage with its amazing peacock curtain that opens out like a fan. One afternoon I left Niki and took a bus to see Kronberg Castle in Helsingor, or Elsinore as it is in Hamlet. I don’t think Shakespeare ever actually saw this place. Imagine that, I’m one up on Shakespeare! The days are longer here, but then I guess we are farther north. The light is different, too - purer, cleaner, sharper. We'll be heading home soon and I have bought a ton of stuff; Ana knows all the best stores. Niki and I each got thick brown and white Icelandic sweaters and velour lounging outfits. Mine is a navy two piece with loose trousers, a long zip up the jacket and two pockets that slant out from the bottom. It’s really stylish. I don’t really lounge, but it looks good. I also got a Boda crystal heart-shaped pendant at the Permanent Exhibition of Danish Goods. Ana nodded approval saying she liked my fashion style. Wow! Someone thinks I have fashion style! We tried to take them out to a fancy restaurant to thank them but they refused. Ana told us to save our money and “just pass it on to someone else.” I like that idea.
I have mixed feelings about heading home. On the one hand I am keen to tell everyone about our trip and show them my photos and new clothes and to give them the presents I have bought. And it will be awfully nice not to have to figure out where I'm going to sleep or eat. On the other hand it means I have to get serious about school and the direction my life is going to take. It's been lovely wandering around having fun and thinking about things in an abstract way and talking about things to other people who don't really know me and won't pass judgement and learning about things as they pass in and out of my path, but without having to actually make any sort of decision or take any sort of action or even to work very hard at anything.
Travel is a seductive and I don't mean in the Niki-you-are-good-looking-let's-have-sex kind of way but in the fact that everything's here and laid out for you to see it and try it. The efforts of so many generations and centuries is done, complete and here for me to experience without adding any real effort of my own. It's easy. Sometimes so easy I take it all for granted and forget that it's not mine to keep forever, that I'm only passing through, that I haven't made any real contribution. And I do want to contribute somehow, somewhere, but am stymied and stessed about how and what. The architecure, the art, the music - everything here, whether dynamic or staid, is already built or painted or composed. It's daunting to think I have to start from scratch and make something out of life that isn't framed by anything yet. I might botch it up or not have the patience or talent to see it through. What is the best thing for me to devote my life to doing? The decisions I take now are going to affect my whole life. What if I make the wrong decision? What if I waste my whole life trying to do something that ends up being the wrong thing?
No comments:
Post a Comment